Adventure

Bloc Party - Flux

What is it with everyone on Tinder just looking for an adventure? There are people with photos of themselves climbing mountains and eating exotic food and kissing the foreheads of exotic children and swimming in deep blue seas like goddamn mermaids – and they’re still looking for an adventure as though their life is so humdrum and boring.

I’ve always been looking for an adventure, feeling like my life isn’t exciting enough. Like I’ve never done anything brave or crazy or stupid. Or, most of all, lived my teenage years to their full chaotic potential. What is it that so fills my heart with yearning? What did I miss out on? I see so many of my friends going on amazing holidays and doing amazing things, and do you know what I long for the most? Some of the moments where it goes wrong. Where they have unexpected and zany, and maybe even unpleasant or dangerous escapades that result in unprecedented experiences. I feel like everything in my life is so carefully controlled – and I know that I’m responsible for that – I know that I can’t stand it any other way, so long as I’m the one doing the controlling. I feel like I’ve only ever done what was expected of me, with the minimum amount of effort.

But don’t we all feel that way? Am I just another fucking gothic heroine looking to be faced with character defining adversity and push through to the great fortification of my personality? I mean, if these adventurous Tinder people still feel like it’s not enough, will it ever be enough? I’m sure there’s a great big rant about desire and commercialism and advertising and human nature lurking in this somewhere, but I’m not interested in even reading it let alone writing it. You get the picture.

So I’m on Tinder looking for someone to take me (us) on adventures. I’m looking for my Alex Vause (but without the criminal record and emotional manipulation, of course). Yet every part of me wants to be that person, not just spend time with her. But I know all I’ll ever be is the straight man, not the funny man. I’ll always be way more Piper Chapman: smart, known for being a nerd, resourceful, middle-class, occasionally goes off the deep end in frustration; than I will ever be Alex Vause: mysterious, sexy, rich, cunning and unpredictable. But do those people really exist? Outside of movies and TV? And without the aforementioned baggage?

If so, you know, hook me up. I’m on Tinder… looking for an adventure.